logging off

Well, this was an extraordinary day. Again, very emotional, Again, affirmation that this is the right choice. Again, the occasional jagged edge of fear -- not that I'd made the wrong choice, but the fear of stripping off one identity and leaving it behind. A day of occasional flashes of "this is the last time I'll be ... parking my car here ... using my badge to open the door ... sending the Home & Garden section ... sitting at this computer ... editing a review ... logging off."
It was curious to hear my boss' description of my job - which amounted to being an expert recipe editor. I hate to think that 10 years of my life amounted to being a good recipe editor. Never mind editing books, writing a Crafts column, writing a blog, soliciting fiction and poetry, editing Travel. This was an affirming moment for me: This is the right choice.
The farewell party included six other people who were departing (other farewells were held in other departments). The end of the day brought a flurry of farewell emails. Lots of empty real estate in the office.
This evening, I went to post a few blogs that lingered and found my blogging powers were gone. This was a transitional moment for me. I simply shifted from the work blog to my home blog.
This day was again reminiscent of divorce. It reminded me of leaving the house for the last time -- packing up, then gathering some final things after the movers had taken my possessions to a 700-square-foot apartment. I was certain that the choice was the right choice, but it gave me a pang nonetheless to leave the place I had lived for 10 years.
It's scary heading into a new land, where I will try to live by my skills alone. I will be my own boss. I will create my own schedule. The products I, and Joe, create will be my own, and Joe's. And, when all is good, I will make some money, too. I really want to make this work.
OK, I don't want to get all Hallmarky. More later.

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